Creatress
chronicles & aRCHIVES
Hi, my name is Jasmine welcome to my blog.
I created this platform to make a home for my public writings, articles and essays. These are my ideas, perspectives and some messy thoughts even, what I like to call "Creatress Chronicles & Archives".
Outside of writing, my other passions include painting, graphic design and being a wanderer and explorer of life and discovering the simple and beautiful treasures within it.
Entry #11 How To Like People,
When You Don't Like People
Entry #10 If You Don't Get Up Off Yo Ass
Entry #9 Community or Capitalism
Entry #8 Be Mean To The Mean Girls, Love
Entry #7 Late Bloomers Are On Time Actually
Entry #6 Softness is a Strength Too
(embracing your emotions, humanity and power
so you can be gentle).
Entry #5 Ways I Attracted People Who
Didn't Care About Me Forreal
Entry #4 Having a Roster is Not a Flex,
You're Just Bored
Entry #3 People Are in Love
With Feelings & Benefits, Not People
(unnatural entitlement &
possession in relationships)
Entry #2 Powerful Black Women
Should Have The Highest Dating Standards
Entry #1 Dating With Any
Kind of Desperation is Dangerous
How To Like People,
When You Don't Like People
1. Accept that everyone is annoying at some point, including you.2. Don’t leave the house if you know the environment requires you to interact, you’re going to be rude and overstimulated.3. Learn to enjoy folks in small dosages by creating boundaries and cut off times for interacting with loved ones or anybody.4. Do not engage or hang around people that you feel ambiguous feelings about or despise.5. If someone’s a chatter box, let them get their thoughts out, you don’t have to respond all the time. (This is social preservation).6. Not everyone’s corny jokes are funny, but you can find the humor in them, if they’re an alright person.7. I don’t condone always being under the influence, but sometimes you just need a drink or even caffeine.8. Us humans are not perfect, give people grace when its due.9. You might not like people because you might need to tap into your inner child a little bit. Make things fun, engage with them about their favorite things, show enthusiasm however, don’t be performative.10. You aren’t obligated to like anyone, but your human experience is better when you can find more positives than negatives in people.
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If You Don't Get Up Off Yo Ass
Last Saturday I had an art festival I was chosen for among other great artist and as it was approaching my mood was disrupted by some weird feeling to this day I still can’t explain where it stemmed from; other than being overstimulated, a full moon or some psychic-spiritual attack. It was so random and unreasonable because I rarely have that feeling.My desire to stay home was so real, I considered if this was my body warning me to be cautious about something. Because never would I catch myself not showing up to something that is an opportunity to display my passion, meet new people and be in spaces that are for connection and potential collectors. This wasn’t my first rodeo, there was no anxiety. And although I definitely could have missed the festival or left early while my art was still showcased, I chose to show up and I’m glad I did.I don’t always feel like doing things but as an adult I believe If I love myself, things must get done…There’s no choice when you have a purpose, goals and a vision. Life doesn’t stop because of a feeling or emotion. The big thing, the small thing, the uncomfortable thing. Not doing it just creates stagnation, procrastination, indifference and laziness. When it comes to obligations or goals I’d say 90% of the time they get done however, I have my lazy moments. Especially if it feels more like a task than a likable activity. Staying comfortable or avoidant towards something, especially your goals and the life your working towards is self-sabotage. Once you get to a certain age or level you have to push yourself no matter what, to see what’s on the other side of discomfort, and lazy habits. When it’s time to change, move and adapt, do it.Don’t stay comfortable with the actions, learned behavior, choices and perceptions you’ve had for your last 5-10 years. Grow. Success and progression is doing what you said you were going to do, even if you don’t get the desired result. On the other side of that journey you discover more of who you are, wisdom, experiences and personal elevation. I don’t always feel like doing things but as an adult I believe If I love myself, things must get done. I always learn something afterwards. Something about myself and what I’d like to refine or discard of. When its a social event I meet and see myself in other people, I receive messages that are just for me.The truth is everyone is simultaneously having negative and positive experiences because it truly is God’s way of making you adapt to the ebbs and flows of the world and nature, and how we process these experiences, emotions and trauma is really what makes or breaks your psyche. Life has been uncomfortable since birth.People who keep moving end up being successful even if at first they don’t know what they’re doing. Because if they fail, they don’t stop moving or applying themselves to something. They will walk into the right direction and path, because they didn’t stop being in motion. They rested and introspected or pivoted accordingly. Successful people aren’t always in the mood. But their lifestyle and routines assist in keeping a healthy mindset.I hope this motivates whoever is reading to keep going….rest but keep going.
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Community or Capitalism
Capitalism is inevitable and so is paying your dues to be apart of or experience anything really, nothing truly is free. There’s nothing wrong with an entry fee, a little shared labor, required donations or something that deters freeloaders. Knowing that people are willing to invest, commit and show up creates security and a standard for the people you’d like to engage with.This rant isn’t to complain about capitalism, it’s about my observation and critique on the way business people go about how they choose to profit from what they have to offer. Whether it’s a communal space, experience or exclusive information. Sometimes what the real value is for the created community or experience, compared to what it’s being sold for is not worth it. However, that’s truly up to the consumer to decide, my judgment on the worth of something can absolutely differ from someone else’s because it all comes down to personal perspective and values.My judgment, discernment, along with desire for quality and taste will not let me ignore when someone is more of a hustler or in survivor mode rather than an actual facilitator, mentor or business person with a vision, integrity and ethics. Being able to distinguish the difference is based on your exposure to both. Or the plane of quality consciousness you currently exist on. Which is why I don’t complain about the price of something and whether I can afford the cost or not. It’s about the true value of it. (What occurs in the space, who’s in the space, is there some wack social hierarchy? Are people just worshiping the facilitator? Is anything productive happening? What will the consumer really get out of it?)If you have to pay a high fee to be in a community, you’re not in community, you’re someone else’s profit. You’re paying for accessibility and relatability with strangers. Meanwhile the facilitator’s community is their closest friends and family not the people in said community group. You need them, they don’t need you. Bottom line people are trying to survive, hustle etc. Other times its more of an energy harvest. Your presence is the profit and the facilitator is really great at creating the illusion of community. There’s no real movement, action or genuine connections taking place.Events are thrown every now and then sure, but most if not everyone just wanted access to a space they’ve never been in, a sense of belonging or to gain social status. Things that they probably could have created on their own if they did the social leg work. I believe you should pay for mentors, guides, expertise, PDFs, lectures, books and information and experiences that actually delivers in what you want. Pay for the actual thing not the idea or feeling of a thing. And if it’s an experience you’re looking for, have a standard, not just for professionalism but in integrity, respect and character for who’s in the space.Not everyone who is offering a communal space, an experience, service or product needs your money, because they’re operating in their calling and purpose and they’re offering you the ability to invest in and experience it. You can sense this through your engagement with them. Their slower and calm pace, is sensed through their possession of internal wealth instead of scarcity, rushed behavior and lack of attentiveness.And if they’re willing to turn clients, guests or customers away, have rules and standards to abide by, for access to their service, space or products. They’re existing in and embodying their gifts, skills, wisdom and knowledge FIRST. For them it’s not a choice it’s fulfillment in their life’s purpose and destiny. Their specialty speaks and sells itself based on intention, cultivated discipline and care put into it before they really market it.And if you don’t know any better you will justify the price of something based on who someone is, rather than the quality of what is being offered. You see this with celebrities and people with higher statuses often. Doesn’t mean it’s always that way but the more clout there is, the more people will gravitate towards it in ignorance based on how much they like them and the fact that they want to be apart of what they have to offer. More importantly, when someone doesn’t practice integrity there’s escalated rates and pricing that has less to do with value and more to do with financial negligence of the lifestyle decisions and spending habits of the owner, founder or entrepreneur. Or they simply are greedy and don’t care.As an adult you’re responsible for covering your practical needs before fully depending on the outcome of sales and being booked. And if you truly needed additional financial assistance, I’ve witnessed entrepreneurs simply be transparent and vulnerable with their following and community when they needed help or they’d offer a product or service to raise money. That’s true integrity.Furthermore, The first layer of your community is those that are closest to you, (family, friends, partners, spouses, lovers).
The second layer is people in proximity to you based on your location and frequent visits (neighbors, your school, libraries, jobs, third spaces).
The third layer is any free or volunteer based organizations in your area with services, or more. The fourth layer can be found online, (Social media acquaintances, Reddit, Facebook groups, any platform where people are sharing information or you are building a safe enough rapport).It’s up to you to work with what you have and build off of that. When you slowly build a natural rapport, connection and trust with people, you’ll create a genuine dynamic. Less transactional relationships and more respect, bartering, sharing, ability to negotiate because you aren’t trying to use each other to survive.If you’re investing into someone’s profit and idea, ask yourself if you’re truly getting anything out of it; other than pouring into them, hoarding strangers contact info, being in a non-productive group chat, a membership fee, and a false sense of belonging. Of course you’re responsible for engaging and following up with people you meet, so sometimes it is a “you get out what you put in” kind of mentality and approach. Go with what feels more honest and natural and not with what just looks or sounds good.
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Be Mean To the Mean Girls, Love
Last week I posted noise on Threads, “you have to be mean back to the mean girls, there’s no way around it”. A few rebuttals came with the whole don’t match their energy, don’t stoop to their level, ignore them or kill them with kindness and so forth. There’s always someone coming out the wood works saying these ideas, failing to realize they’re defending the bullies by implying you can’t fight fire with fire. Sure, but other elements exists... It’s worth raising suspicion that these same individuals could also be secretly mean girls too or never truly fought for themselves; so being passive or submissive is there only way to navigate uncomfortable situations.Either way, If you’re still complaining about people treating you unfair yet never attempt to do anything about it, than you haven’t been using your free will to your advantage. Why would you want to be around people that are bothering you and never address it, just for you to hold it in and no one is aware of this except you? This is how you become a ticking time bomb.Unless you have a really good social defense game that they never saw coming, you’re never going to break out of the whole complaining, shrinking or feeling sorry for yourself in these situations until you face confrontation. People love to encourage you to do these ‘leveling up” tactics, without understanding that a lot of people actually need to be confrontational to gain respect in a narcissistic and unfair world. The people who constantly avoid confrontation, can benefit a great deal and upgrade their life if they charged towards it.I get it, some people need to survive Corporate America, their jobs or are in positions where they can’t afford to authentically react how they’d like, out of fear of losing an opportunity, looking embarrassed, or whatever consequences. However, unless you’re dealing with a sick, twisted, psychopath, whom you must carefully choose your battles with; or absolutely cannot risk it. I recommend reversing what people do to you or be willing to take things a bit further, if need be. There’s no excuse for a grown up to complain about unfair treatment and situations that should have been nipped in the bud months ago; when lack of integrity, morals and respect were first revealed. At minimum you can exit, if you choose to stay around at least self-advocate.The leveling up advice isn’t effective if you are still bothered and emotionally disrupted when you go home. There’s issues waiting for you to address. As someone who practices doing this, I can attest the quality of my life always enhances internally because I stopped leaving the door open for people to get away with disrespect. Even if I failed immediately addressing it the first time, BEST believe you’re not getting away with it TWICE.Addressing disrespectful and problematic behavior improves your confidence, self-esteem and turns you into who you’re supposed to be. The whole villain era arc that everyone is on? Yeah, that’s a self-initiation into cultivating the boundaries, backbone, confidence and shadow work to upgrade themselves. Being the bigger person is for those who know they can stoop down if they have to, but choose not to. It’s not for the person who’s afraid of confrontation and prides themselves on being virtuous. Opting out of confrontation only benefits bullies, not their victims.Too many people were not prepared for how to deal with the psychological and spiritual warfare within the social realm. Parents either created the bully, the fair fighter or the victim. And, the victim is created through inheriting what their predecessors avoided out of comfort and fear. These kind of parents aren’t passing down what self-respect is or examples of it. They’re passing down dormant power that now has to be unlocked by their offspring because they chose to dodged their own issues out of fear.Moving on, the reason anyone assumes they can disrespect you starts with the relationships closest to you. You aren’t handling business by checking people in your personal affairs so, that same energy and behavior spills into your professional and social dynamics as well. After being in-considered, belittled, or disrespected in subtle ways. You get tired of reasoning or allowing crap even from people you “like” or “love” due to the attachment to them or fear of loosing them. You’ll finally grow to stop caring about the outcome or “consequences” of speaking your mind, creating boundaries and standing up.When I was younger, certain things didn’t even register as disrespect or trigger me at times because I didn’t receive the projection put onto me. Or it went over my head and later I caught the shade. I already had healthy self esteem but that did not mean that people didn’t need to taste their own medicine. It’s animalistic how fast us humans read and make our minds up to gauge someone’s power. How you carry yourself, walk, speak, depth in your voice, body language, to the average person will communicate to them as powerful or weak, etc. Even if you may not feel that way about yourself, you could be the underdog but folks are still going to assume what they want off first impression. Power is not always clapping back and taking up space and tapping into an alpha mode but certain scenarios require it.When you finally communicate and utilize your power, or give people back their own crap, you’ll notice 95% will become kinder or even attempt to build a rapport.1. Because they’re not as tough as they seem.2. They’re were secretly jealous because they like the qualities you possess.3. Because they now “respect you”.And when this happens, you’ll feel better, but I’d advise not to give them your approval or acceptance and just stay cordial. The goal is never to be liked, only respected. No, we can’t be friends and I don’t care about your personal life because you’ve already shown me who you are. Go find your people.The more you do this, the more you’ll know what real power and control is. Your aura will speak for itself. You won’t apologize for what’s not your fault, over explain your perspective, decisions or shrink during moments that you should dominate. People pleasing and submission will be out of the window because why would I even do that for you, if I don’t respect, love or like you. Combine this with living the life you want to live by doing things that make you happy literally makes you unstoppable.You’ll start enjoying the confrontation, because you’ll enjoy ironing out the wrinkles. You’ll have a calm and controlled approach when correcting others because you know who you are and what you’re willing to do. You’ll also find that power is in releasing, and giving up on caring about opinions and the outcome of things. This is when you can now incorporate leveling up, when you are no longer bothered. You’ll be able to distinguish powerless people from powerful people, when you’ve gained experience from exercising yours. This way of living will stay with you forever.So, please know it’s okay to embarrass people back. Make the intense eye contact, stop in your tracks and pause everything when someone chose to slight you especially in front of others. Don’t be afraid to serve back what people dished out. Stop the whole ignoring people the whole “oh this is just what comes with being me”. If you’re bothered its okay to bother others. If you’re still dealing with abuse in any form stand up, if you’re emotionally triggered utilize that strategically or chaotically. The more you handle business the less there is to complain about.Good character and morality is not determined by how good you behave or the kindness you display. It’s about acting on reasonable judgment and what you’re willing to do in the name of Justice and Balance.
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Late Bloomers Are On Time Actually
We sat back, we moved at our own pace, we weren’t rushing ourselves in the rat race, anxious to be “successful”, to get married, create a family or really to be anything. Whether it was by choice or involuntarily. In result, we prioritized ourselves through our interests, found gems and purpose in our present circumstances and realized that, certain milestones were for people in putting themselves on a clock. It never meant we didn’t want what our peers had or what the general population acquired before 25 or that it wasn’t awkward being the odd ball out. We just allowed things to be what they were and not place timers on ourselves.The individuals who are living as grown ups, appear to have reached success, financial independence or stability at a younger age than you, did not all move at the beat of their own drum. Some were forced into growing up quickly due to unfortunate circumstances, maybe forced into higher education, along with choosing a study that didn’t fulfill them. Some had to develop a hustle mentality because they were forced into survival before 18. Some had a support system that funded everything, Some did some scamming, sex work, or underground activity. Or, some really were ahead of their time and knew exactly what they wanted when they were young and had a natural drive. Some decided their life should be what they saw in media or around them and sought after it.Us late bloomers are on time, specifically because you truly begin to unfold and know who you are and what you’re into as you approach your 30s. Although, you can absolutely discover yourself in any kind of lifestyle, whether you grew up fast or not. I’ve noticed there can be a delay towards really getting to know yourself, when you are often tied up and energetically absorbed by chasing relationships, financial independence, having a family, unfulfilled career, academia, or lifestyle choices that do not pour back into you, encourage self-discovery or free-thinking.The things mentioned above could very well be less about how rapidly you developed and more about who you are as a person and what you prioritized. But, if your growth and value is solely based on what’s outside of you and milestones, that doesn’t always equate to ACTUAL self-progress especially if you were in it for the recognition, survival or status.When late bloomers aren’t confined by systems, social expectations and really follow their truest desires by not centering the world around them. When we finally do the thing we’re late to, we often have a very mature, responsible and caring relationship with it. And it’s very possible to be wise at a young age, when you aren’t easily controlled or swayed by the the social norms of what society tells you to be, do or achieve. When you’ve let your frontal lobe develop without making very permanent decisions or contracts.Some of us are “late” in areas others are not. Perhaps it’s in-experience in certain aspects of relationships or dating. Being a newbie in social environments or lifestyles that most people your age were introduced to years ago. Or you chose a not so high-paying or recognition based job/field because you value a work-life balance and mentally healthy environments. Maybe you have yet to procreate with anyone, or have no interest in doing so. Maybe you still live with parents and never had to cover your whole housing costs. Or it’s an alternative lifestyle that you live while following your dreams. These scenarios aren’t all subjected to late bloomers but a lot of times we fall into these categories, it is worth noting these scenarios can go for anyone who opted out of a traditional route.What I value about being in the non-traditional group is, I don’t have to choose what’s “safer”. Of course not everyone moves in that way who have permanent relationships, career, social or financial obligations. But a lot of people who do, are constantly having to think about how their spontaneously inspired decisions when pivoting their life, could impact who and what is attached to them. I have NO dependents on me. I don’t have to consider a re-location, job switch, or anything really, due to having someone depending on me as a parent or by being impacted as my partner. I’m only responsible for myself. and can experiment and explore what works best for me.People will often view you as young and naive at times because you have an innocent look or approach things optimistically. But how you carry yourself is that of an old soul yet still youthful. People know you know something, as in (you’re not dumb or incoherent). Some of us actually have been through a lot, maybe more than others. But we DON’T look like what we’ve been through and that’s why often times, we can be underestimated.In another article, I’d also like to touch on the negative reality of being a late bloomer when dating, or other very much needed life experiences, that parents don’t prepare their kids for. How it can set someone up to be a foolish, naive or even unknowingly disabled adult, when parents purposely keep information and needed experiences from you that are supposed to assist in growth, social cues, and self-protection.
It’s not fun to be late to the party that everyone already knew about.
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Softness is a Strength Too
(embracing your emotions, humanity & power
so you can be gentle)
soft girl era:A period in someone’s life characterized by embracing gentleness, emotional openness, self-care, and aesthetic softness. It often involves prioritizing inner peace, healing, and low-stress living over hustle, toughness, or external validation.I remember when the term started trending and thought to myself “yes… this should be every young woman’s desire...next!”. It felt like a corny way of saying, “I want peace in my life”. I’ve never been fond of using trending phrases, because I despise the usage of internet lingo. But I must admit, however these phrases end up surfacing, they’re on par with the collective status of a group. And in this case it was young women or really any woman.The term was a symbol for women who were in tougher lifestyle patterns and relationships. For those who weren’t properly prioritizing themselves so they could relax more, worry less. It was for entering this juxtapose compared to what they were doing before. And like many other women, I could relate… to a degree but I still wasn’t using that shit in my vocabulary because the aesthetic and internet representatives leaned too far on the polarity of performative femininity. Let’s just disregard that the internet is a social experiment for a minute…has anyone ever questioned why the soft girl era phase even needed a spotlight or human vessel to communicate its self through?Why could so many young women relate? Why did it take this long to embrace our gentleness and why were we in depreciating or hard situations/experiences to begin with? No matter how you answer this, we all have a unique backstory that resorts back to similar roots. That being, adopted beliefs, behaviors and genetic tendencies due to parental figures, a patriarchal system, economic disadvantages, and how we learned to value ourselves slowly. In my case I hated the thought of being vulnerable or soft among others because the truth is I associated it with being weak.It’s called soft girl era because prior to, we weren’t taught the importance of honoring, sitting with and feeling our emotions. To listen to what our body is truly communicating, so it can become a compass for what we need to filter out, take action on or bring to an end. We genuinely didn’t know to do these things because we weren’t taught that. In result, unnecessary stress, responsibility and harboring emotions were carried until an event intervened to cause us to sit down, reflect and introspect.My experiences in the world made me, selfish, paranoid to trust, mean, less accessible, and self-centered. While those traits can help protect you in a world like this, I needed to acknowledge the original emotions that made that way. Surrender, express and free them. And turn that method into a catalyst to freedom and rich sensitivity. Through doing so I discovered my ability to be sensitive is how I grow, learn and connect with myself. The ability to actually feel is a blessing considering a lot of people have been shocked, traumatized and abused out of being able to sit and process their feelings. Causing stored pain in the body and mind, with a jaded perspective that may not always be reversible.Another component to softness I learned, was cultivating and sharpening my masculinity within. Meaning, approaching and navigating the world with social and psychological armor, principles and readiness. (strong and clear boundaries, personal power, direct communication, self-discipline, routine, assertiveness, responsibility, confident body language etc).As a grown woman you’re responsible for you no matter what. Whether you’re alone, with a group, with a man you must be your first source of protection. And, if you take care of yourself in this way you can also guarantee the company you attract and keep will have the same mindset. You cannot relax and be soft if you’re among others who aren’t on your level of consideration, protection and survival. Naturally as a women you’re looked at as prey.On top of that, what goes hand in hand with being soft is a nervous system that is finally accustomed to relax and breathe, when the brain is telling you to overthink. You’d have to embody a natural default of letting things be out of your control and not your problem, and it turns into an unconscious practice. There’s less urgency if it’s no emergency. There’s less anxiousness. People cannot fear monger you or spread their worries. You aren’t overworking yourself to feel “productive”.You don’t feel bad after saying “no”. You let uncomfortable moments and awkward silences be just that, without filling the void. You don’t apologize for things that were never your fault. You become receptive to receiving nice things and acts of service from people without overdoing your gratitude. The cherry on top is the self-care and therapeutic luxuries, like investing into your beauty routine and looks, solo dates, spa days, retreats and pleasure inducing things. (The components the internet girlies will show without disclosing the real work that must be involved).I love being soft and I’m finally embracing the power of releasing, not proving, just being. I wanna be a bad ass beautiful soft woman that has the ability to be hard at any moment. I’ve defined my own definition of soft girl era through interfacing with the world byway of dating, caring about others opinions and moving when the world said to move. Resulting in an after effect of pent up aggression, misplacing my anger, eager to prove myself, please others, placing the blame and so forth.Love, gentleness, and accepting your emotions is the gateway to personal freedom and not being confined by the weight of the world. But with that type of intimacy comes rules, laws and protection to govern and keep it protected and potent. I can be soft because I have the range and capacity to be hard. Being soft is not a permanent state, it’s me feeling safe in my body, until I feel the need to express and protect myself in another manner. Now, is the true emergence of my soft girl era because I’m choosing to regulate my nervous system, by facing new challenges, discomfort and adapting to the currents of life.
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Ways I Attracted People Who
Did Not Care About Me Forreal
This article is inspired by the on-going subject that I come across on social media of people who frequently speak on past friendships that didn’t go well. The moment they realized that their friend really wasn’t their friend. Us, who realized in hindsight that who they surrounded themselves with weren’t as trusting or didn’t carry the same standard of care, respect, integrity or more. No one is perfect but there is a difference in purposely mishandling someone and not being aware of your actions but willing to grow.One thing to mention before naming off my reasons is that I have noticed with my own relationships and observing others that a lot of relationships can have this power dynamic. It could be two people together but on has more power over the other. Or the one with less personal power is used to others over powering them. Either way both people could be using this relationship to have a sense of self. It goes without saying that people naturally fall into being dominant or alpha. However if the more dominant one doesn’t respect the person who they are in a close relationship with, it will not work.And of course just because someone is naturally more reserved or carries a different personality type or approach doesn’t mean they aren’t also powerful in their own way. But in a lot of cases the less dominant has not accessed their personal power yet or is fully comfortable in who they are. Which is why they can end up gravitating to people seemingly “more dominant” than them unconsciously. Leading to an imbalanced relationship because the other may not respect them as much due to small indicators of either being either too agreeable, submissive or easy to access or control.People who respect themselves want to be around others who respect themselves too. Normal people will see the person who lacks self-respect or personal power and desire no companionship because they see that as an unattractive trait and don’t resonate with that. Birds of a feather flock together.The opposite will see an individual with less personal power and seek to use, manipulate, degrade or sometimes worse. It won’t always be so obvious or straightforward, they can make you feel welcomed in their world, be very accommodating while doing so. As I grew more, and became aware of the psychology behind people, and desired better relationships and lifestyle for myself overall; I preferred my own company. I stopped seeking friendships with people period, and started embracing the spectrum of who I am. Learning and becoming the woman that knows herself better than anyone and not afraid to demonstrate the darker traits that make you “disagreeable, difficult, unlikable, mean” but is actually for your protection and self-respect!1. Not putting myself first.Number one way to attract people that don’t value you is by not not valuing yourself. Why am I thinking of others needs before mines, if this is not an emergency, special occasion or real time of need? This keeps others expecting energetic and labor-filled handouts because “you’ve done it before, why wouldn’t you do it again?” Break the cycle and stop today, right now.2. People pleasing.This usually isn’t anyone’s fault until you reach adulthood and understand that you learned to do this based on who raised you and the tone they set. Your caretakers were either also people pleasers or made you feel like you had to earn their love through being overly accommodating to them. If it crosses a boundary or a certain request is asked from someone prematurely in the relationship, kindly decline. This act is only for others who would do the same because y’all love and respect each other. Not for randoms, strangers, or anyone you don’t even know if you’ll like in the future. People who love you don’t want you self-sacrificing for them or anyone at all.3. Not taking my time.A big mistake was always being quick to be friends without learning more about their character. I’m enthusiastic about a new friend and us going out, sharing details of our lives, essentially romanticizing a friendship. Being too spontaneous and moving fast in any relationship does not allow you to catch fine details that you wouldn’t have missed if it was a slow process over months to a year.4. Not having a social hierarchyI’ve unconsciously made this mistake for years and finally realized, having categories matter. I’d blur the lines with people who should of stayed co-workers, classmates, and associates. I’ve heard of people not caring about this concept and being able to balance their relationships, perhaps because they were born a social butterfly and are good at knowing how to keep things surface level with certain people. I prefer compartmentalizing people because it keeps me from giving more emotional investment or personal feelings to someone that I shouldn’t have to begin with.5. Not emotionally present enough or delayed processing.On top of not taking my time, sometimes a comment or action by someone else is done in the moment that I did not like. I would either try to brush it off or later fully process the gravity of how it effected me. Sometimes you don’t know how to respond to something that someone did so casually, using only your judgment. It could be a feeling you’ve never experienced or an old wound. I think not being fully present kept me from allowing myself to admit in the moment that something actually hurt my feelings.People need to know when they hit a nerve or disrespected you, because how they respond will show you how they feel about you. And subtle degrading comments and behavior are reasons to leave! I stay emotionally present nowadays by limiting my social media consumption, not trying to fill in awkward silence, deep breathing and paying attention to how my body feels even if its a small feeling.6. Scared of Confrontation.No one likes it. Even now I still feel odd having to address something that I feel like shouldn’t have happened. However, it’s necessary for growth and self-respect. Letting others know I don’t play those kinda games and being very assertive when doing so. I’ve noticed this will either push others away or bring you guys closer.7. Blind loyalty/ignoring character discrepancies.It’s normal to want to stick beside a friend, you love them and they would do the same for you. I don’t think it’s normal to ignore and support problematic behavior of someone. There has to be a limit because if the behavior is truly an issue, your silence becomes you enabling them. We forget how much impact we also have as a valued friend. People need to hear a different perspective, honesty and be held accountable when they’re absolutely in the wrong. That’s love.8. Co-dependency & unreasonable expectations.This can tie back into my intro when I described power dynamics. I personally have not struggled with this but have noticed others friendships are borderline romantic relationships without the physical intimacy. There can be jealousy as far as having other friends. Women may be attracted to you and are either aware or unaware they are having homoerotic feelings. (I don’t play those kind of games because if your attracted to me either say it or don’t come around me). Some will have the expectations that a boyfriend or husband would fall under and they’re using their friend for emotional dumping or support.9. Origin of friendshipMost, if not all of my friendships in my early 20s, started through proximity in an environment like school or work. These places are very common because most of our time is spent there. Even though I loved the people I met and got close to, I realized back than we just either wanted a companion or someone to listen to us. It may not have been a genuine thing. I believe you can still find good friends in these environments but a workplace is never my first choice. Especially since I now have various hobbies and interest.10. Not showing real interest in you.Of course in my early 20’s I was still getting to know who I was. Yet I think that in certain relationships there wasn’t a common interest or mutual desire to get to know the other deeply. Some people may have just needed a friend but weren’t trying to really be a friend either. I think having people show interest in what you care about and like, your endeavors and overall state of health in the mind, body and spirit is a very green flag.No one is perfect, I’ve learned forgiveness and lessons that taught me to value my time, space and presence even more. And that I wasn’t a perfect friend either. Although I’m not discouraged in pursuing more connections in the future, I learned the best connection is within first. Seeking friendships vs. letting them unfold naturally can set you up for something fake, performative and rushed. Love your own company first and than enjoy others. Sometimes the best connections and people you meet will be people that aren’t seeking friendship or intimacy either. They may be an associate or someone at a place you frequent.
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Having a Roster is Not a Flex,
You're Just Bored
As I’m approaching the end of my 20’s, dating is less of a priority and more of an intentional and strategic choice. Because, overtime I realized how energetically taxing it is to free your time and allow an unknown individual access to you. In my late teens and early 20’s the ability to move on and transition into getting to know a new person or engage with multiple people, was a breeze. But I blame that on not being as present and accurately giving myself time to process my emotions and the events that took place and that’s a topic for another day. My enhanced level of self-preservation combined with yearning a deep connection where I’m seen, passionately loved on and considered brings me to side eye the people who can manage to have a roster.Now, a roster could come with benefits if you really know how to date. What do I mean by really knowing how to date? Having no nonsense high standards and boundaries, equipped knowledge and experience with the opposite sex that positions you for most things to work in your favor, even when things comes to an end.Side note: This is either taught/observed at a young age or achieved by the lessons you learn as you’re transitioning into an adult. Which a lot of times is based on your parents disposition and what kind of self-worth you adopted/inherited by being their child. Your economic background, whether or not you’re a late bloomer in dating and how soon you were able to grasp the nature of the opposite sex. Which again, is a topic for another day. You can learn how to get better at dating and choosing people through time but that does not guarantee it was worth spending your time on multiple people.Having those standards often comes with the aspect of better quality treatment and experiences, yet that can still be a distraction from a person’s character and other personal issues. You could be well versed in self-worth, respect and how to play the game but that doesn’t mean you aren’t wasting your time and have the potential to encounter undercover losers, idiots, abusers, bums or worse.I feel If you’re in the dating game and you actually care about yourself, your roster wouldn’t go past 3 people. You’re lucky if you have 2 people to alternate between at the same time, simply because the men or women on that list would have the qualities of what you’d prefer in a suitor or what ever relationship dynamic you’d like. No matter what your check boxes are, I can guarantee the average population couldn’t even make the list. Unless you’re average, but if you’re reading this you know you’re not.Anyone outside of the 2 people you still speak to, and is apart of said roster, is not taken seriously and the space reserved for them is for what? To be pen pals or to feel less lonely in an unpredictable climate? Which makes me think about the why behind people who are ALWAYS actively dating. Most people are treating it as something to do, to relieve them from boredom, for the attention, the plot, as a placeholder for more important character development.If we account for the time and energy when dating even one person. I’d say the average time spent with them on a weekly basis is...two days out of the week. Initial dates last maybe 2-3 hours but become longer when you discover you like each other. Now, take into account if you’re texting or calling often. That virtual communication plus in-person time spent, along with limerence and delusional thoughts taking residence in the mind is all energetic currency.And if you know who you are, with shit to lose, (valuable time and energy), you have to really consider who you even choose to make eye contact with. It’s that serious because all the things listed are absolutely going to happen because you’re human.And the truth is we sometimes make compromises and ignore small discrepancies, for people we desire EVEN with a “strict program”. Dating, much like other human experiences can be a kind of spiritual and psychological warfare, which I spoke about in my article, Dating With Desperation is Dangerous.Also, it’s safe to say some people date as a social or sexual sport, Some people are doing it for validation and ego, some are vampiric and looking to take souls, some people are just never going to recover from their wounds and have embraced being a menace or demon in society. (Which sometimes balances out the scales).As I’m embracing the transition from young lady into real womanhood, I’ve learned MY TIME is one of, if not the most valuable forms of currency in this existence. And I’d be a fool to give it away so freely to just anyone. In conclusion, if you’re going to have a roster, it better come with ballers, lovers, and access to resources and people who will do anything for you at the drop of a dime because if not, what’s the reason?
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People Are in Love
With Feelings & Benefits, Not People
(unnatural entitlement &
possession in relationships)
I dated a chick for the first time in the Spring of 2024 and it quickly snapped me into the importance of not seeking to possess people. During that time, for me dating a woman felt so much different in contrast to dating a man. It felt like someone cursed me with blushing 50 times a day. There was this soft, kinda whimsical familiarity transpiring. One, because of the person it was and also, experiencing a version of femininity reflecting back to me. It felt like I was meeting myself in another form.Dating men felt good too but gave me more of a temporary rush. Like when you have too much caffeine sugar, or alcohol. It feels good and then eventually has a declining moment, consuming too much had long-term effects. Arguably I felt like that because dating men was nothing new and this new high, momentarily made me forget how temporary the feelings of dating someone new are when you get to know them. One day I was having my usual girl chat with my esthetician like, “yeah, I’m talking to a girl and this is new for me.” Sorta fawning over her. Before I left my appointment she spoke the words, “people are meant to be experienced not possessed.” A statement I realized I’d naturally been living by with previous men; it was time to apply this to her too.In the talking stage, there was a very short moment I felt possessiveness and ownership slightly try and take over me because of the feelings being induced within me from her. I said to myself, “I don’t want to loose this person.” I thought, this must be how men feel when dating us? Perhaps the unhealthy ones become madly in love, obsessive, controlling and manipulative because they love the feminine essence and presence yet don’t know how to appreciate, protect and allow that woman to move at her own will, while still loving her all at once. Of course I’ve felt like this before with a guy, I guess this was a new era for me just a different font.It was almost in the same day when my urge to possess came, that I completely stopped the idea of wanting her in that way. And instead shifted my mentality to only seeking to enjoy her, appreciating who she was and the freewill to date me; without being attached to the outcome or loosing myself in this dreamy experience. Whilst still respecting my boundaries and standards. I found this easy to do since I naturally wasn’t the possessive type. It allowed me to determine if I truly liked her. And honestly, I noticed we both were eager for physical intimacy, which easily clouds judgment if you don’t have self control or previous dating experience.Additionally, this new person exposed the hidden habits or traits in me that needed improvement or to be put to an end. Expressing boundaries, voicing my discomfort in the moment, overall more effective communication and standing on my word and taking things as slow as possible. How I gave her grace with scenarios I wouldn’t have if she was a man, the hypocrite I was, applying this double standard. Dating the same sex is not for the weak, very passionate, feels so good and taboo. It can be hot and genuine all at once. But I’m fine admitting that I prefer men. Quite of bit of women go to the other side due to their trauma with men, understandable as I have some myself. However, I don’t want the dykes or studs. I’m not a true lesbian, I want who I prefer.Soon after my mentality shifted, one day she told me she briefly got sad thinking about the possibility of loosing me as well. Pretty much the same feelings I had but with less experience in how common yet life changing it is to experience a romantic dynamic and move on from it. After all we had a 3 year age gap, which very much played a role in our current life perceptions and thought processes. Not far apart in age but in personal experiences. Later realizing that even though she liked me in this early stage too, it was mainly the feelings I gave her. She probably hadn’t developed feelings like this prior or met someone like myself.My point is whether people want to admit it or not, most of the reasoning for dating a person aside from physical attraction and compatibility, IS tied to how you make them feel. As well as what what you can do for them. I’m not opposing that choosing people should come with benefits that serve you, add to your life and make it easy. It makes all the sense to choose someone that desires to support me financially, emotionally and spiritually and than some. However, I’ve never been able to date or be in a relationship with someone too long when I developed the sense that, the way they benefited from having me in their life wasn’t equivalent on my end.Superficial people will date you for social status. If you’re conventionally attractive you will add to their social currency, making them appealing to men and women. Why people choose who they choose is not to be condemned. But, it’s about if people can appreciate that you do bring these feelings or upgrades, while respecting you, your humanity and freedom and have the ability to pour back into you at the same capacity. It’s selfish if you can’t but if you know your worth, who you choose is up to you always.You can provide the feeling of safety, love, feeling seen, validation, attention, encouragement, emotional support and cure loneliness all together for someone, from them being with just YOU. I’ve done it. Lots of folks unfortunately are dealing with codependency, abandonment issues, compulsiveness and are deficient in healthy love, positive outlets and hobbies. I’ve noticed people in my past struggled with the ability to be with me without wanting this control over me. What do I mean by control?Making someone your emotional support or “peace” When I got older, I realized some past lovers really just needed healthy outlets that catered to therapy and healing rather than finding a companion first. Being in a relationship with someone should not mean you get unlimited access to talk about every single problem or trauma repeatedly. Nothing wrong with vulnerability and the intimacy that accompanies sharing past/present trauma and scars. But you should be finding solutions to your haunting issues and not ALWAYS seeking your companion. There are alternative therapy options, going to a shrink isn’t the only option. Or, have some supportive friends/community. The worse part is some people don’t even want solutions, they just want to talk your ear off or energetically release their baggage onto you.Entitlement to someone’s body This is a touchy subject because there’s been a couple of times in the past I engaged in intimacy when I wasn’t in the mood. Today you couldn’t pay me to fuck my partner, if I genuinely didn’t want to. The issue though is that, not all but a lot of young women weren’t taught how to honor themselves, to not please a man just because he wants to get his rocks off. I’m sure men may deal with this too, but we all know it’s a common thing with women. If your partner isn’t in the mood don’t coerce, manipulate or try to force them into consent. That’s sexual and physical entitlement, within the same realm as rape. Even if they end up looking like they enjoyed it, it wasn’t at that person’s will. And if someone never wants to physically be intimate with you, than start dissecting what’s going on within the relationship.The amount of time being spent together Nothing wrong with bonding but it depends if someone is co-dependent, doesn’t have hobbies or interest or other people in their lives. Am I being used as an escape from something you are ignoring or procrastinating about? My standards had to raise because of this because, I’m easily bothered if we are NEVER doing anything yet always together... or I’m the only one suggesting outings. The moments when we are resting and enjoying doing nothing together, is obviously okay if I’ve determined that your default mode isn’t to want to stay in the house and be effortless when dating. More importantly I value space apart because regardless of the frequency of going out, we still need healthy space apart to miss each other and have a grounded sense of self without each other.Being jealous without reason Granted we’ve all felt a little possessive or jealous when it comes to our partner giving brief attention to someone else. But if I’m not giving you a reason to be jealous or insecure about our relationship. Meaning, I don’t entertain other people at all, I don’t keep people in my orbit and falsely tell you they’re no one to worry about. If you see that my character is respectful towards you in private and public and you’re still jealous about other men in my environments that I barely say a word to or give attention, that bothers me and screams insecure.And, when it comes down to women, we have the ability to be expansive, expressive, creative and more when we’re invested in our passions, truest desires and shed off the need for male attention and validation. To live for ourselves and no one else. You really can’t have a counterpart or companion that’s possessive, insecure and controlling. Pretty much anything that sounds like “I am threatened by how free and limitless you are.” The counterpart or man chosen should want there to be space and protection for that kind of energy to thrive. There’s not supposed to be confinement on women. Women in their power cannot be with anyone that wants to control and possess them in anyway, that is feminine control and patrol.Traditional heterosexual relationship dynamics have always placed women in the role of making men feel like men by being their sex worker, breeder, wife, secretary, emotional support etc. The average man seeks access to this in exchange for his resources, be it material, financial, providing a sense of physical protection and so forth. Some women are okay with the negotiation and exchange of their benefits for his security. Women like myself, don’t see the value because the freedom to do as I please and control my presence, time and body is not only priceless but requires an emotionally secure and mentally mature man to trust me and respect my autonomy.Average women sometimes unconsciously seek to be possessed, due to their relationship with masculine roles and how they conduct or navigate day to day power dynamics; without hesitation relinquishing their ability to execute their own decisions, thoughts and ability to survive without a dominating male presence. Failing to understand how powerful they could be when challenging themselves to be more of an autonomous, outspoken women. Comfortable in not making others feel safe at the expense of their birthrights.The bottom line is it’s not inherently normal to want to possess/control someone, it can get the best of all of us if we don’t step back and allow space between ourselves and who we’re involved with. With the purpose of fully processing our feelings and emotions. Romantic possession behavior and mentality, is oftentimes unaddressed fear of abandonment, a deficiency in genuine love, healthy outlets and a symptom of low self-esteem. It’s normal to title and claim your person while in a relationship but do you also view that as unlimited ownership? I don’t. I view romantic relationships as a time to get to know and experience people and grow as an individual, when I’m faced with challenges, insecurities and outgrowing expired ways of being.I believe when someone is trying to place a limit on you they simply aren’t in favor of you. This does not give you a reason to be reckless, destructive, disposable, dishonest, unfaithful or mishandle people and their emotions. You can be free, creative, wild, powerful and love someone passionately and purely and if need be, let them go honestly and gracefully.
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Powerful Black Women
Should Have The Highest Dating Standards
Most women are natural overachievers, go-getters and high-functioning human beings. Especially Black Women. While us, highly driven and magical individuals feel like pursuing our goals and existing as the omnipresent species that we are is normal; it creates a clear division and distinct difference between anyone that we are around, dating or entertaining if they don’t carry the same power, qualities or functioning abilities.Whether it’s what you pour into your creativity, entrepreneurship, at home life, the corporate field, your education or anything that displays your ability to create, learn, plan, execute or make things successfully happen from your own doing. These abilities are second-nature and just a part of who we are. On top of exquisite taste and quality standards for diet, lifestyle looks and more.
We transition into a different class when we’ve cultivated our gifts, skills and income to be self-sufficient, self-oriented and able to survive without men and their resources. Even if she has not discovered how to harness the ability to be financially independent and self-reliant, if she’s started the journey to self-actualization, following her heart and committing to real aspirations she’s on the way to that lifestyle.The black women I’m talking about are intimidating, intriguing, attractive and wealthy in many ways more than one. The only issue is, that at times when it comes to the dating scene that seems to be the one place I’ve noticed us make accommodations. Obliging to men we’d like to date or be with but aren’t as ambitious, multi-faceted, expansive or as accommodating to our needs, existence and desires like we are to theirs. I’m not writing this to complain about men and the choices I or other women have made when choosing them.I’m disclosing an observation and theme among black women which can be blamed on common mistakes and practices in women who come from lower income backgrounds. Or who were never taught how to properly date, I’m included in this group. On top of being the grand things we are, natural caretakers, powerhouses, leaders and intellectuals. Some of us still had to learn our worth through the trial and error of navigating dating in a very unconventional, in-experienced or lower quality way. Dating men who we intuitively knew were not our equal but still choosing to overlook and settle out of desiring a partner, affection, attention, romance and love. Of course developing dating experience and what you like and don’t like is apart of the process to self-discovery, black women aren’t the only demographic with this issue but it’s fair to say are the main ones.I’m also not here to tell people how to date or what to do. To each its own, people have different reasons why they choose who they choose and not everyone is dating to strictly be courted, married and have a family. However, I am an advocate for never settling and having your standards set in stone. You can’t afford to date someone who is below your rank on an emotional, financial, intellectual or spiritual level. Practical things absolutely matter, the level of consideration, attentiveness and instinct to provide something that makes your life easy or upgraded absolutely matters. Resources or access to something valuable they can introduce you to, absolutely matters. The ability to plan and execute tasks, dates and important events absolutely matter. Lifestyle (diet, food, exercise, media consumption, daily routine and what someone focuses on) matters! Details, personality, character and more will come out naturally based on the things above.Also enjoy your life and your experiences with people and know when it’s time to walk away whether your relationships are serious or not. Don’t be fooled by what sounds good on paper, rely on your intuition always. You have to understand how valuable you are as a woman and know how to make everything serve you and work in your favor. Don’t over explain yourself, don’t applaud mediocrity, don’t act impressed, don’t fake anything, don’t appease egos, don’t chase, don’t do anything you don’t want to do. Don’t believe the first thing you hear, don’t go out of your way, don’t neglect your plans or friends. Honestly when it comes to dating men just don’t. Love you, bye.
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Dating With Any Kind
of Desperation is Dangerous
Dating while desperate, sets you up to be used, abused and confused. If you’re in your early 20s it will be a learning lesson. If you’re in your 30s dating while secure and confident is as crucial as hygiene, money, food, basic primal needs. It’s like an emotional hygiene if you will. As a woman, you cannot approach the dating scene in need of any kind, seeking validation and approval or loneliness. There’s a difference between being genuine and vulnerable just enough to display your interest, vs. being too open, too convenient, too quickly attached, too forgiving, too gullible, too nice, too anxious.There’s a difference between going out into a social atmosphere looking good for yourself, caring less if men approach you or not. Versus, getting cute because you are literally trying to attract men. You really have to already have chosen yourself and not go out wanting men to choose you. The minute that you start talking to men and they sense that you have desperate traits, low self-esteem and a void for connection; They are either going to use that to their advantage, or if they’re actually a good person they’ll just leave you alone.In a perfect world dating as a woman will have honest, mature and genuine options that care about your well-being, and seeing you thrive as a powerful, independent and emotionally secure person. In a perfect world people seek real connections not just distractions and the next stimuli to make them feel good. People are not capitalizing off your flaws, insecurities and low-self worth. In this world, dating, specifically dating men is arguably a type of psychological and spiritual warfare. It’s rare that it doesn’t come with mind games, dishonesty and selfish intentions. Romantic relationships have the ability to throw you off mentally and emotionally and can delay and distract you from your destiny and life’s purpose, when you are occupied chasing approval, acceptance and affection.Men are hurt from past relationships and women they wanted and could not get. Or, trying to get the most for less and are after your goods. Not just physical goods the mental and emotional ones too. The average single man that is also in the dating scene is playing a numbers game. Some are also dating women to get the validation of other men. Much like everything else in the world that requires social, emotional and mental energy. Dating men is not for the weak. However, I recommend to date every now and then at your convenience (only people that intrigue you), because you will end up learning about yourself in the process.You’ll discover the standards you need to raise, the traits you need to rid yourself of and you’ll find power because you will absolutely be tested and need to know when to walk away, when to speak up, and stop negotiating your worth. When to say “this has been a fun time, I’ve enjoyed you but my time here is up. Or you can simply opt out of dating which can be the most logical and sane thing to do. Personally, I haven’t opted out I’ve just slowed down in going places where people can easily approach me.I prefer meeting people in person or in my favorite environments and I do think that is a slower process but it’s the better one. I’m also choosy and easily annoyed, so I cannot keep a roster and I leave people alone if I can smell disrespect or mind games brewing. I’ll admit I’m experimental, if someone is really able to spark my interest. I will talk to them until I find a reason not to. I’m a curious woman but have always been able to withdraw my emotions, energy and presence from people without thinking twice. If you are dating you have to detach from what the outcome will be. Things will be nice, fiery, smooth and then something will expose itself. A comment, an action, a post, an opinion, a facial expression, a conversation, a reaction.Because, a lot of men are masquerading around to be in your favor, suppressing their character traits, lying about who they are or just playing the long game. Either way as time slowly goes on…you may in fact be genuinely attempting connection, but it’s through your idea and lens of what that is, not his. Dating desperately, You will end up attracting predatory men, overlooking poor character traits, impressed by the prerequisites of a good person or basic manners and chivalry when it should simply just be a check mark to you. You bypass the yellow flags, because you want what you want. It could be the experience of that person and whatever comes with them. Some lure you in with flattery, money or the illusion of it or they can give you a feeling that you’ve never gotten before with anyone else. Maybe it’s their physical attraction too.Whatever the case, if you are in a longing state without the balance of self-sufficiency on an emotional, physical, financial, mental and spiritual level; You’re making room for your standards, boundaries and self-respect to be lowered and neglected. Instead of being decisive, firm and honoring your standards that should be set in stone. Being too available and convenient. Always saying yes, always being free gives off a desperate aura. Even if you really are free, give yourself time and space away from people you aren’t as close to and are still getting to know. Learn to share enough for someone to get to know you without telling them details that should be saved for true intimacy and only you.Someone who is attracted to healthy self-esteem, confidence and internal strength, also has those same qualities and traits. They’ll do you a favor and leave you alone after noticing desperation or insecurity. At most they might try to get sex or something but usually don’t wanna do the whole power psychological warfare game. The minimum most men are looking for is sex. The healthier man isn’t perfect but they really aren’t trying to get more out of you than that. If he’s really mature, well grounded and cares about himself and desires a real connection he will sense desperation and low self-esteem and leave you be.Bottom line, we as women are not perfect and it’s normal to want a partner or a nice experience with someone. Just don’t be fooled, if you’re gonna date keep your wits, self-esteem and respect about you. Prioritize yourself, have your standards. Know what exactly you want from that guy and where you want it to go. And if you simply just wanna have fun, have fun with your standards and boundaries cemented to you. Save being humble, shrinking, playing fair and nice. That is truly for the birds. Make dating serve your best interests, not defeat you.
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Contact
Best contact method:
[email protected] or @jasminebrxz via Instagram